How One Year Turned into Four and Counting!
When I finally decided to give sobriety an honest, whole-hearted try, it was in the name of experimentation.
I know what it’s like to live this way; what is it like to live another way? Or as my grandpa used to say, “Been there, done that.”
I made a pact with myself to try it for one whole year. I saw it as a drastically different, completely uncharted mystery, full of possibilities. My attitude was optimistic anticipation.
Out with the cupboard full of barware, out with all the marijuana paraphernalia. In with daily meditation and journaling, in with Oprah Winfrey’s Super Soul Sunday podcast. In with a nightly mounded bowl of ice cream before a hot bath.
Of course, there’s a lot more to the story than that.
Getting sober was a wild ride.
Navigating the ups and downs, the insecurities, the frantic flailings. The negotiating with myself one last time— maybe I can still drink if I…. and letting myself be talked back out of it.
The unexpected associations that seemed to come out of nowhere from my brain: “Don’t we normally drink white wine right about now?” “Shouldn’t we be getting high?” .
Through it all, I stayed the course.
My North Star was a constant inner guide— a new presence that came into my awareness. An inner knowing that This. Was. Right.
It was Something Greater that I could sense as a wrap-around support for my new way of being.
It didn’t take a year to know.
A few months into this sobriety experiment, I had a full body awareness of what I wanted to do.
I made the decision. I never wanted to go back to that old way of life. It had taken me an entire lifetime to get here, but that old way of living was now a skin I’d shed, left to decompose into the ground behind me.
After I’d celebrated my first year, I had a bit of a let-down.
One year was my original goal, and I’d reached it. To be sure, life was so much better, but was something else going to happen?
Life did what it does… it continued to unfold in a beautiful and mysterious way.
My nervous system continued to recalibrate.
I was healing, and growing at the same time.
I followed my intuition; my higher self guided me through the pages of books, to the sound of other people’s voices, spoke to me through body whispers that led me willingly down one path and then another.
To a women’s only private speakers club.
To a social health non-profit called Seek Healing, where I’ve trained, been volunteering and certified as a facilitator.
Into the practice of Authentic Relating, a set of transformational relational practices, where I’ve been training as a facilitator.
Every year has brought me to new depths of self-knowing as I continue to shine light on my limiting thoughts and beliefs, and expand my comfort zone—which only happens through being with, and learning from other people.
Making this radical choice to live without alcohol and drugs in a world that doesn’t yet get it, gives me the confidence to keep making new choices that serve me, instead of going along with the programming.
Choices that can feel brave, and challenging, and also bring me so much satisfaction and meaning.
At the end of this month, I’ll be camping for a week in Colorado for an intensive that kicks off the program I’ve enrolled in to become a nature-connected life coach! (I’m sure I’ll be posting about this in posts to come.)
I’ve been sober from alcohol and marijuana for four years, and it still feels like I’m just getting started.
I love this life. I love being truly alive on our incredible planet. I love bringing women together in this life-changing community for radical support and inspiration— which is also just getting started.
Today is another day to live in optimistic anticipation of what life will bring… because I’m sober.